cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There's even glitter on my cock...
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