keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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