I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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