So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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