Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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