dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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