I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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