i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
