i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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