I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
