the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?