I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.