hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif