You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
