While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
