I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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