Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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