If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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