I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
