It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
