So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
