if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
