I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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