4 words: hood of his car
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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