we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
