theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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