I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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