Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
