Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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