I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
