almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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