so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
