3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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