just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dicks are not precious.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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