Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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