RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
someone owes me an orgasm
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
