nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
