It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
