I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The air was thick with penises
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
