when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
