nut hugger
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize