Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
