I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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