go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
