Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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