Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
