I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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