I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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