And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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