He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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