You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
