i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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