If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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