Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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