normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
