i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
