dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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