Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
