My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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