ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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